i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Randomize
