Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
