i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
