:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
