Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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