so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
