I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
