Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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