i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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