Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
