And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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