Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
