Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
