Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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