There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
