he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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