No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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