I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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