Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
