Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
