dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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