new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
