I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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