dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
