my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
