your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
