I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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