just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
