Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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