Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
