Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Screwed.edu
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
