I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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