I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
