Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
