Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
