There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
they're like a gay fantastic four
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Randomize
