I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
