her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
A bitchslap is in order.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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