I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
