I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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