Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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