My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
