Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im holly from the hills drunk
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize