i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
