Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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