and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
