i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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