Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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