and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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