i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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