me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
