And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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