Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
