i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
