Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
