i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
