I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize