All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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