Apparently you make a good broom.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
