you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My liver just had a heart attack.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
