I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
