thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
