Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize